Welcome to our regular “Ask the Cat Behaviorist with Mikel Delgado” segment. Once a month, we’ll post a reminder for you to post your questions for Mikel. She’ll answer as many of them as she can each time, and I’ll publish her answers in a subsequent post.

Mikel is a Certified Cat Behavior Consultant at Feline Minds, offering on-site consultations for cat guardians, shelters, and pet-related businesses in the San Francisco Bay Area, and remote consultations around the world. She obtained her PhD in Psychology at UC Berkeley, where she studied animal behavior and human-pet relationships. Mikel is co-author of Jackson Galaxy’s newest book, Total Cat Mojo: The Ultimate Guide to Life with Your Cat.

Cat no longer wants to be in lap

Mikel, my cat’s behavior has changed. She is now 10 years old. When she got around 5, she stopped wanting to get in my lap. I have lived with this but I really wish I could get her to accept my lap again. She also hates to be picked up and squirms until I put her back down. Is there any way I can train her to be OK with being picked up & held on my lap? – Linda Shockley

Linda, you could certainly “train” your cat to sit in your lap…by giving her treats anytime she, of her own volition, approaches your lap. Does that mean she will like it? Not necessarily. It’s hard to say, without more information, why your cat changed her mind about being held or sitting on a lap. You could try enticing her into your lap with a soft, fuzzy blanket, or even a heated pad, and that might make it more attractive to her.

Many cats do not like being picked up. We see this with fuller-figured (i.e., overweight) cats, who often feel uncomfortable when they are picked up. It can also be an indicator of conditions such as arthritis, although we would typically expect this in cats who were older than five.

The problem is that often WE want to hold or pick up a cat, even when THEY don’t. What does NOT make them like it more? Forcing it on them. Research has shown that interactions with our cats are more positive when we let them initiate and call the shots. So, if you don’t HAVE to pick up your cat (say for an emergency or vet visit) don’t pick her up. She is telling you she doesn’t like being picked up. If you have difficulty getting her to the vet, I recommend training her to get into her carrier and be sure to make her cat carrier a cozy, safe space.

Can you think of anything that changed when your cat turned 5 and she stopped getting into your lap? A new pet or other family member? You using a new perfume? Any major changes in the household can be enough to trigger a change in behavior.

Sometimes we must appreciate our cats as they are. Perhaps while you sit on the couch, she likes to sit near you, or on a kitty condo nearby. Usually cats like to be in the same room with their humans; and sometimes, that is their way of showing us they care!

Cat defecates outside the box

Hi Mikel, I have a 13 year old spayed feral female; she poops outside the box (and I clean every time I go into the rooms where boxes are), on a rug, wherever…can’t figure it out…why? Basically she’s healthy (have her on dry RC fiber food due to constipation); other two cats don’t go outside box; plus she and her brother seem to have very delicate digestion, chronic mucus/coughing. I think it’s inherent, but the litter situation is baffling. Thanks! – Kat

Hi Kat, defecation outside the box is VERY often associated with a medical cause (you mentioned constipation, and delicate digestion…so that tells me what I need to know). Usually addressing the medical cause will help the problem. So, you need to find out if your cat’s feces are normal (are they like a tootsie roll, or more like hard nuggets?) How often does your cat have a bowel movement? Does she seem to struggle to evacuate her bowels? Sometimes an internal medicine specialist is best for assessing digestive health. At her age, she may also be prone to degenerative joint disease, which can keep some cats from pooping in the box.

If you have cleared her of any medical causes, you may have to start fresh with a new style of litter box and a new type of litter. Some kitties have developed negative associations with the old box, so changing the litter box ONCE she feels completely better can help. There are many other reasons that cats may avoid the box (litter preferences, cleanliness, location, etc., but when I hear the word constipation and “pooping wherever” – I always want to see a more thorough medical workup on that cat before assuming this is a behavior problem!

Cats get stressed when visitors come

Hi Mikel, I have two cats, but one of them has what seems like stress/anxiety when relatives come and stay with me and my mom for several days. He knows when change is coming because my mom vacuums (which terrifies him and he will hide for up to the entire day) and is moving all over the house cleaning. The last time my grandparents came he hid the entire day before. When some of my relatives have come over they try to discipline him by hitting him on the head when they think he is misbehaving and the result is that he goes in my mom’s room and pees on her bed or her dirty clothes. Do I just need to keep my cats downstairs when guests are here? Do I need to have my mom start feeding them regularly so they bond with her more and possibly stop peeing on her stuff? I have tried to tell people how to interact with my nervous cat and they never listen to me, and every time he ends up peeing on my mom’s stuff. How can I help my cat get through visits/stays from other people (considering I can’t seem to get the people to modify their behavior towards him)? Thank you! – Anna

Hi Anna,

Wow, I am really glad you reached out to help your kitty, and I hope you can also help your family understand why the way they are treating your cat is not okay! I’m a little confused about why your family is hitting your cat on the head and what “misbehaving” they are trying to correct. Physical punishment is NEVER appropriate with our pets – there are so many other, safer and more humane ways to address behavior concerns.

First of all, you need to accept that your cat may never love having guests. There are plenty of cats out there in the world who are afraid of strangers. This can be due to genetics, or a lack of socialization when young, or bad experiences with unfamiliar humans. Because your kitty gets so stressed out, why not take some of the pressure off? Before the vacuum even comes out, put him in your bedroom, with everything he needs – food, water, a scratching post, bed, some toys, and his litter box. Close the door, and let him be oblivious to the scary things that are happening in the rest of the home. He might get a little frustrated being confined, but it’s better than him being terrified and peeing on your mom’s stuff, and it’s only temporary. Also be sure to give him some comfortable hiding options, such as a carrier with a cat bed inside, a cat condo with a cubby, or other “cave-like” cat beds. We know that cats need places to hide when they are afraid, for their own well-being.

It would be great if your mom could use treats or interactive play to build more of a relationship with your cat. In fact, interactive play is a great way to help scared cats feel more confident. You can try bringing one cat-savvy relative at a time into your room to visit your kitty, if they have treats and are willing to let him approach them if he wants.

Over time, he may become comfortable enough that you can try cracking the door to your bedroom open and letting him decide if he wants to venture out. A cat should never be forced out of hiding, or forced to interact with humans they are afraid of – that only serves to make them more afraid in the future. Let him call the shots at his pace, and he may become more comfortable (or he might just be perfectly happy staying in your room).

Resident cat does not get along with new special needs cat

Hi Mikel, I have been a cat enthusiast for a long time. I have a unique and particularly tough situation and I am hoping for advice. For four years my husband and I have owned one cat. We have owned her since she was a kitten and she has always been a terrific cat. A little mischievous at times and food-dependent but we have adjusted to any issue she had. She always gets along with other cats if she travels to other places, but if another cat came to our small apartment she would be upset by this, but it was always short term so we did not have an opportunity to see how it played out. She would hiss, but that was basically the end of it.
We recently just moved to a new house and because there was more territory to go around, we adopted a second cat. This cat is also 4 years old and is a special needs cat. She has lived her entire life at the shelter and pretty much always kept to herself. She has a neuro disorder of unknown causes (likely trauma) that affects her coordination and her gait. We have had her for about a month and she has had a couple minor seizures triggered by stress and is managed using holistic methods. Our other cat hissed around her for the first couple of days, but ultimately realized the new cat was not a threat. The new cat spends most of her time in the laundry room where her food and litter box are also. We kept the door shut for the first couple of weeks, and then started to leave it open while we were home. Our other cat leaves the new cat alone as long as she remains in that room. But now that our new cat is starting to come out of the room, our other cat will consistently target her and jump on her. It does not seem to be violent and is mainly play, but she does jump on her back and bite her neck. If the new cat was not a special needs cat I would not be concerned and I would hope that she would defend herself, but the new cat is completely submissive and pretty much plays dead whenever our other cat does this. Also, I worry that the stress will induce her seizures. When our other cat does these things I make sure to say “NO” and she is completely aware that I do not want her to do these things, but still if our other cat sees the new cat come out of her room unless she is laying with us in another room she will target her. I partially want to just continue to leave the door open while we are not home in hopes that our other cat becomes very used to the new cat, but I also worry about our other cat targeting the new cat while we are not home and possibly triggering a seizure as well as bullying her back into her room. I think if we could be there all of the time eventually this would end, but without us being home during the day I fear the lack of consistency will keep it happening. I want our new cat to feel comfortable roaming our home and being with us, but our other cat seems to be a bit of a bully 🙁 Advice? – Lauren

Hi Lauren, thank you for bringing a special needs kitty into your home! From my shelter days, I know there’s nothing that makes shelter workers happier than placing a tough-to-place kitty. That said, you may need to enlist some professional help to make this situation work.

You knew going into this that your resident cat was not thrilled about new cats in her space, and it sounds like the new kitty didn’t have a lot of feline friendships at the shelter. Although it may seem like your resident cat is a bully, she is behaving in a way that is instinctive to her; there is an intruder in her territory – one who has some obvious weaknesses and vulnerabilities, which your cat may perceive from her gait and coordination issues. Many animals do not seem to feel comfortable around cats with obvious physical issues – whether that is because they don’t have the same body language and signals, or that they indicate a weakness that would also make them vulnerable (e.g., predators in the area), then it may make more sense to try to drive that cat away.

I can recommend a few things: one is giving your resident cat a lot more exercise, mental stimulation and play. Make sure you have plenty of resources distributed throughout the home. You may want to split up the home in some different ways so that the new kitty can get comfortable in other areas without having to interact with your resident cat. I would also talk to your veterinarian about whether holistic methods are sufficient to control her seizures and what the risks of stressors would be. You bring that up as a concern several times, but it would be good to have a professional opinion as to how worried you should be.

I also don’t recommend correcting your cat for the behavior you don’t like; if you can prevent these situations with more management and slowing down the introduction, while boosting the new kitty’s confidence and building positive associations between the two, that will be much more effective. A stern “NO” isn’t effective because it just erodes your relationship with your resident cat. A “NO” might tell your cat you are unhappy, but it isn’t telling them what you want them to do instead. If pouncing and chasing the new kitty is more motivating and rewarding than anything else you are offering (which right now, you aren’t offering her anything else at all), then she won’t have much reason to change her behavior.

If the behavior on the part of your resident cat is truly playful, then it is possible that these two can eventually come together just fine. Even though a month feels like eternity to us, for cats, that is sometimes not enough time to accept a new feline into their life. You might want to considering hiring a consultant who can better walk you through a slow introduction!

Introducing a young cat to a senior cat

Hi there Mikel, I was wondering how do I introduce my 13 year old cat Blade to a much younger 3 year old cat called Smooch? The younger one has seen my cat through a screen door and she hates him. Blade has seen her a number of times, has gone to run at her once or twice, but doesn’t seem too keen on her, I have them separated at the moment, but would like them to get along so I don’t have to do this. Blade has been an only cat for a few years, would this affect him? Thanks! – Ange

Hi Ange, there are lots of things that might affect whether two cats get along – and even if you would like them to get along, that may not always be enough. Being an only cat for a long time can be a factor, but sometimes cats just don’t like each other (even if they liked other cats in the past). If someone picked a roommate for you at random, what are the chances you would like them?

There are several excellent guides to introducing cats available out there, so I’m not going to re-hash them, but you can see a few here and here.

Introducing cats through a screen door is a good step but it isn’t always enough – you have to give them a reason to like each other. So, for example, feed your cats their absolute FAVORITE food when you are bringing them on either side of the screen door. They should ONLY get this food when they are together, so they make the association that the other cat’s presence = delicious treat. Use interactive toys to get both cats playing on either side of the gate so that they show relaxed body language in each other’s presence. Keep sessions short and try to end on a high note – the biggest mistake I see people make is trying to push introduction sessions until something bad happens. Try not to do that! Quit while you are ahead.

Some cats may need behavior meds to have a successful introduction. Cat introduction cases are each so unique that I do recommend working with a behavior consultant if the basics aren’t working. Sometimes recommendations have to be tailored to the cats, the humans, and also the set-up of the home (for example, where are the best rooms/locations to introduce the cats? How should resources be set up, etc.). I hope that Blade and Smooch are making progress!

Husband wants to declaw 11-year-old cat

We are moving and buying all new furniture. Husband is declawing an 11 yr old cat so it will not ruin furniture. Cat also is vicious and bites! I’m worried it will become more volatile and attack me with biting (considering pain with declaw and new home). I am pregnant. Cat has sent 2 people to the hospital in the past, including me. Are there any other options? – Lolo

Hello Lolo, there are MANY other options besides declawing a cat. Declawing a cat is an incredibly painful surgery that we now have evidence (from a 2017 study) causes chronic pain, and is associated with increased aggressive behavior and litter box avoidance. Not only that, but declawing deprives cats of natural feline behaviors (such as scratching) and the ability to stretch their back muscles. I could go on. I feel very passionate about this topic – declawing should never be an option! So what ARE your options?

1. Get your cat several appropriate scratching posts with a material she likes. Reward her with praise, food and attention when she scratches them. The posts must be tall, sturdy and in locations where your cat will want to use them – usually in highly used areas, near human furniture (such as couches and beds) and near where your cat eats and rests. Some cats actually prefer horizontal or angled scratching, so it’s good to know what your cat likes to scratch.
2. Stop scratching in areas you do not want with humane but annoying deterrents such as Sticky Paws or by draping furniture with loose sheets. This is a temporarily training measure while you encourage her to use the scratching posts you provide for her.
3. Cats bite and scratch for a reason, they are not vicious. You really need to contact a veterinary behaviorist or other appropriately qualified and certified cat behavior consultant to address the biting and scratching behavior. Your cat may even need some type of medication to work with her behavior.

I hope that you and your husband seek professional help in this situation and do not declaw the cat. I am certain that declawing this cat will not make her life better, and will not fix the aggression problems.

Resident cat doesn’t get along with new cat after five months

Hi Mikel, my wife and I have a huge problem, and don’t know what to do anymore. We have three cats, 2 males and a female. All came from the shelter. The problem is with our female, we think she might have been abused in the past. When we brought home our youngest, she instantly disliked him. We did the separate room for the kitten for about a month, slowly introducing him to everyone. Our Tom liked him immediately and assumed an older brother told right away. Our dog got used to him quickly too, but our female never got used to him. She even put out his eye. So we swapped it. Hammish(the kitten) lives with the rest of us, and freyja(the female) lives in the room upstairs. We bring her down constantly, and switch one into the kennel we have set up to try and get them used to each other. We do monitored “playtime” with them but freyja will either ignore him, or wait till his back is turned and attack. We tried the bully solution but that seems to not help. We purchased a thunder jacket for her, and that stops her from attacking, but it also stops her from doing anything. It’s been like this for about five months and there is no improvement. We don’t know what to do. We don’t want to take freyja back to the shelter because then she would never be adopted, but she can’t live by herself forever. Can you please help us? –

Andrew, for these types of situations, I would strongly recommend working with a veterinary behaviorist, or a consultant who can come to your home. If I understand you correctly, Freyja injured the kitten’s eye? An injury is not a good indicator for success between cats, and so you may need to consider some heavy-handed options.

1. It is possible that your cats may never be integrated. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to rehome Freyja. You could manage this situation for as long as is needed; keeping the cats in different parts of the home. People do sometimes have to do this – and it often helps if you can set up barriers in your home that can be moved around so that the cats can swap space and it’s not always static – think multiple stacked baby gates or adding a few screen doors at different places in the home.
2. You might need to consider appropriate behavioral medications. This should be done with a veterinarian, ideally a veterinary behaviorist. Often people don’t want to put their cats on medication, but by the time they get to the point you are at, the cats have had so many negative experiences with one another that there really aren’t many other options. We know that stress and anxiety can hinder learning, and it may make it hard for your cats to even learn positive experiences with one another.
3. Rehoming: why Freyja? She was in your home first, and it sounds like Hammish would be easier to rehome. You might even be able to “keep him in the family” and place him with a friend or relative.

Best of luck to you, these situations can be extremely frustrating and difficult to live through. I wish there was a magic wand, but there isn’t. I would highly recommend you reach out to a behavior professional for more help.

Cat became aggressive during moving preparations

Hi Mikel, I need some help. I have a 2yo cat she’s perfect I love her so much! Since yesterday she s been acting out. We are in the process of moving so we put some boxes under our dinner table. Yesterday my boyfriend went through them in when he was putting one back he didn’t see my cat was under the table and he must’ve squeezed her by accident so she started hissing and meowing really loudly. I went to help her and she calmed down. But now even with all the boxes removed she keeps hissing and getting angry every time my boyfriend tries to go in the kitchen, and she starting to do it with me too. She’s never been like this she’s a good cat and even when this happens she comes back to normal when we leave…please help me, I love her so much! She’s my first cat I don’t want to lose her. Thank you so much for your time. – Jeanne

Your cat was startled or possibly hurt a little bit when the box incident happened, and now she is associating that with your boyfriend. Rather than describe her as angry, I hope you can see that she is afraid. This scary thing happened to her once, he was there – even though it was an accident, in her mind, it could happen again, so she’s saying she feels uncomfortable with him getting too close right now.

Her response could be exacerbated by the fact you are moving – an incredibly stressful time for humans and cats alike. It may not take much to tip that scale right now!
She will probably calm down in a few days – if not, please get in touch with your vet. If she is still a bit wary of your boyfriend, have him take over the good stuff in her life, like feeding, playtime with interactive toys, and offering treats! Over time, she will realize he means no harm, and in fact, good stuff happens when he’s around.
I hope she’s going better!

Cat won’t let owner clean off stool, is afraid of loud noises

My cat she’s the love of my life until yesterday she has poop on her fur where her bum is and won’t let me touch her back there I don’t want to take her the vet or the groomers please if you have any other suggestions be my guest. – Penney

I have female cat who’s really afraid of speeding cars and ambulances and fire trucks and she afraid of shaking out a garbage bag and she’s really afraid of thunder and especially lightning and she’s also afraid of me raising my voice at her. – Penney

Hi Penney, well I hope a little poop on your cat’s butt didn’t stop her from being the love of your life! If she just had a little dingle-berry, hopefully she got it out of her fur on her own. If not, I would say, sometimes you just have to get professional help (or at least the help of a friend who can help you clean her off). A veterinarian can also help you determine if she needs to be groomed more regularly or is having problems with her bowel movements so that this scenario doesn’t happen again.

The second issue you brought up is your cat’s fear. There are different reasons cats are fearful; it can be genetics, socialization, or negative experiences in the past. If she is mostly afraid of loud noises outside your home, add white noise to your environment – a fan, an air filter, or classical music at a low volume can all be effective at keeping those outside noises from being as scary.

My question for you is why are you raising your voice at her? It sounds like there might be other behavior issues or training issues that you might want to address with a consultant so you don’t have to raise your voice!

For other things she is afraid of inside the home, you can help her overcome her fear by gradually, and very slowly exposing her to things that make her fearful, as long as you do so very carefully and by pairing these exposures with something that she really likes. For example, if she really loves tuna, you could give her some tuna, and then just gently touch a plastic bag, making sure that she’s not so scared that she runs away. Repeat several times until she could not care less. Next step is tuna plus picking up the garbage bag. Increase the noise the plastic bag makes gradually, until she is eating tuna while you shake out that bag. Eventually, she might even come running when she hears the plastic bag because she thinks it means you will give her delicious food!

Do you have a question for Mikel?
Leave it in a comment, and she’ll answer
as many of your questions as she can next month!

25 Comments on Ask the Cat Behaviorist with Mikel Delgado: Problems with New Cat Introductions, Cat No Longer Wants to be a Lap Cat, and More

  1. I have two sibling female 8 year old spayed cats. A few days ago one was growling at something out the window and the other, who is more aggressive, thought she was the one being growled at and took after her. They have had squabbles before, but this was vicious. Since then they can’t look at each other without growling and hissing and the more aggressive one attacking. I live in a studio apartment and there is no real way to separate them. I’ve bought a crate for periodic separation. I’m trying some of the online tips to deal with this, but there seems to be conflicting views of what to do.

    I’m currently using a broom to separate as I firmly state no, sometimes I use a bottle of spray water. They now have separate water and food bowls and litter boxes. I would like to know if you have any other tips that might be more helpful and wondering how long this could last. They’ve always been close and now they seem to be mortal enemies. Any help you can give me would be appreciated.

  2. Hi mikel, I recently (about 4 months ago) adopted a cat from one of our local shelters who has a severe trauma background. He was abused prior to me getting him and he’s already come out of his shell so much, but he’s just so scared of most things that it makes it difficult to take care of him. He’s SUPER sweet and cuddly when he feels safe, but he’s SO scared and timid most of the time and spends most of the day hiding under the bed. Any noise or movement at all and he’s hidden from sight. He’s REALLY smart too, so when I need to do things like put his flea meds on him, it’s incredibly hard to get him because he has been trapped before and won’t come for food or treats or his name being called. I don’t want to traumatize him anymore than he’s already been and even found a vet that comes to my home just so I don’t have to put him through getting in the carrier and anxiety of vet visits. I just want to give this kitty the best life possibly and make him comfortable in his new home. Any suggestions? Thanks so much!

  3. My 4 year old neutered make cat has started urinating outside the litter box.we have multiple cats..checked by vet medical issues. Help

  4. There are many stray cats in my neighborhood and all of them are well cared. As you might know we take care of street cats very well in Turkey.

    Every early morning, a stray cat brings a piece of cloth on her mouth, and cries while the cloth is still at her mouth. Her meowing is like soft cry. Every day, she brings a new cloth or whatever she finds which is usually same size as the cat. She brings the cloth at an intersection point of several buildings, stays at there and meows for around 10-15 minutes… every day. Also, cat seems healty and well fed. There are many food and clean water sources around the buildings.

    I really want to know what is going on. Do you have any idea about this behaviour? I will try to record it on camera since it happens every day.

  5. My husband is a truck driver & can be gone for weeks at a time. While he was gone I took my 2 girls to a shelter & we picked out a kitten. She bonded with me quickly since I work from home & was always there. However she hates my husband. He is a huge cat lover but because of her behavior wants me to rehome her. If she is sitting in a room & he has to pass through she starts loudly hissing & growling at him. If he unknowingly passes too close she hisses, growls, swats & runs. He has tried a few times to pet her and she has scratched & bitten him. He tried using her favorite toy & she played until she made eye contact with him. Then she laid her ears back, hissed & ran away. He has also tried feeding her. But he’s normally not home for long periods of time. He can be gone for multiple weeks, home for one week then gone again. Also, we have two dogs that are very protective of us. So when she starts the aggressive behavior toward him they jump in & run her off. Sometimes she just runs but there has been a few times that she swatted at the smallest one & really got something started. I’m afraid they will hurt her. Normally they ignore her until she starts hissing or growling. And if she ever swats they move in. Any advice you can give would be much appreciated. Thank you.

  6. Hi Mikel! We love your work! We are moving soon with 7 cats. They have historically been quite territorial and our house/ space was divided up accordingly. They were also born here! The new house, however, is bigger and much more open plan although not that far from the pld house. Any tips for moving? Please help!

  7. Hi Mikel!

    I have an 8 month old kitten who is sweet but very shy with strangers (but confident with us, and no aggression or peeing/pooping issues). She will usually go into hiding as soon as a stranger comes over and will not venture out for a day or two at the least. This makes it very stressful for us as cat-parents to head out of town leaving her with a sitter or boarder because of the stress she experiences. How can I build up her confidence with strangers to the point where she no longer hides when a stranger is in the house? Thanks so much!

  8. Hi, I’m having trouble getting my adult cat to get along with my kitten. The adult is a male, he’s fixed and is almost 2 yrs old. The kitten is a female who is also fixed and is about 7 months old. Every time my boyfriend and I let them out together the make attacks her almost instantly. He watches her intensely with huge eyes and then pounces on her like prey and we almost have to pry him off her. Sometimes he has even had small bits of her fur in his mouth. He’s never drawn blood or hissed or anything, but she cries out a lot when he attacks her. What can we do for them to get along? We’ve had our kitten for over 3 months now and we can’t even leave them alone together.

  9. I have a lovely girl cat of about 6 years old. I feed her 5 to 6 times per day (small portions) at approximately 3 1/2 to 4 hour intervals. Sometimes she gets hungry at the two hour mark and she begins to paw at me and lick her lips. I tell her it’s not time but she persists and at times has jumped up on the couch and gently bit my head. Again I tell her no. It’s usually at this point when she lets out a big sigh which appears to be a sigh of frustration. I googled why cats sigh and it appears to be out of contentment. Is my cat sighing out of frustration? She’s certainly not content.

  10. I have four spayed female cats that have lived together just fine for about five years. The issue is, suddenly after these five years two of them started ganging up and harassing the oldest one. She’s so scared that she won’t even leave a small area to go to the cat box, I try taking her to the box but she will have none of it. It’s gotten so bad I have had to banish her to the outside shed (which is isolated and heated) with her own stuff just so she will stop. When out there she uses her cat box just fine but gets terrible lonely and I don’t know what to do. I miss having her in the house and all four of them sleeping with me at night, but she can’t stay in the house if she keeps doing this. How do I fix it so they all go back to getting along??

  11. Hey there! Found a random cat tonight that wouldnt stop follow me. I have seen it a fair few times before he lives near a busy intersection. However he wouldnt stop after 500 meters or more so i walked him back to where i normally see him but when i turned around to go home he followed me further about 1 km. Sweet kitty but doesnt want to be picked up i assume he does this, ive seen people pat him in the street but it worries me because of the distance he continued to followed before he got distracted in a garden and i kept going. He is not a stray. But this was way beyond around the block and he crossed several roads. I assume ill see him again but i was worried. Cheers

  12. Hi Mikel,
    My cat that I have had now for 12 years is usually a sweety. She would never bite or harm or be aggressive towards anyone. But recently in the past couple years that has changed. About half the time we pet her or give her head scratches and then stop to walk away or do what we were doing, she will chase after us and bite our ankles. When she first started doing it it was more or a nip and now she has been breaking the skin. We give her plently of attention throughout the day and cannot get her to stop. She is the only cat we have right now and I fear ever adopting another cat with her since she has been so aggressive about attention. Please let me know if you have any ideas on what we could do. Thank you

  13. Hi Mikel
    I have an unneutered four month old Russian Blue male who has been with me since 8.5 weeks. He appeared to be the smallest of the litter but is now healthy, generally very well behaved and adjusted – he eats, sleeps and plays just as he should and enjoys being outside with no socialisation issues. He does however seem to compulsively suckle on my skin, particularly after eating or sleeping which seem his times for relaxation. He is very persistent and can keep it up for a long time if allowed, sometimes even leaving marks on the skin. He can be distracted but doesn’t seem to show any sign of growing out of it and I don’t want it to be a long term issue.
    Should I be concerned that this is abnormal behaviour? Many thanks

  14. Hello, thank you very much in advance for offering your advice. I am writing you from Spain.
    My question is about fencing a garden to protect a cat.
    My mother lives in a house with a big garden with different walls and bushes, not a plain squared garden with an even-sized wall. The cat leaves the premises at her will and it’s dangerous for her, since she’s been attacked by neighbors before more than once. We are scared and we want to protect her, but keeping her inside of the house did not work (she ends up escaping, there’s lots of doors and my mum is kind of old so she forgets to close them all sometimes).

    We are thinking of ways to put up fences throughout the garden so she can get out freely without leaving the premises of the house. Then everyone would be happy.
    Problem is we cannot find any business with experts in these issues and even though I’ve found a couple of shops online that can sell the materials, I want to make sure we make no mistakes, because one weak spot could ruin all the work.
    Are there any websites, books, or even online businesses that you could recommend? Any advice would help. Moving out of this neighborhood is not an option, although my mum has thought about it plenty. This is how bad the situation is.
    Thanks again.

  15. Thanks for offering help/ advice. We have two cats. Marbles, the cat we are having difficulties with, came to live with us (from the streets) 2 1/2 years ago. Recently Marbles began ripping screens apart to get outside. In the time Marbles has been with us, she has never tried to get outside. Now she has destroyed two screens from sliding doors, she darts for the doors whenever anyone enters or leaves the house, and is attempting to get through window screens. Once outside she begins to chew on grass. We have cat grass for her inside. We can’t think of anything that has changed to cause this change in behaviour. We have tried sprays on the screens and attaching cloths to the screens with repellent sprays, but nothing seems to work. We can’t let her stay outside… coyotes. We would be thankful for any suggestions you might have. Thanks in advance.

  16. Hi Mikel,
    My sister has a female cat (Marbles), who has just recently started ripping apart the screens in their house to get outside. She’s been with them for a number of years now (not sure exactly how many) and has never behaved in this way before. They don’t really want to let her outside as they are in the country and have coyotes close by. They are baffled as to the behavior….I’m wondering if you can give any insight….they are at their wits end trying to figure it out.
    Thanks very much,

  17. I have a question & problem:
    I have 2 Savannah cats, F6 I had 3 years, now, 2 months ago I was given a F2 Savannah, both are fixed females, I did the room thing, let one cat roam the house, put F2{Dami} in her room, while F6 {Montana) roams the house, they smell each other threw the door, they also can see each other, lots of growling some hissing, the 2 times they were in the same room Dami goes after Montana, & Montana seems afraid of Dami.
    How do I get these two girls to beable to LIVE together be together in the same room without going after each other. I refuse to give either one up. I need & love them.

  18. Hello Mike,
    Jobie is a grey tabby, and I got him from the church grounds when he was about 3 months. He’s now 13. Three years ago we lost our home, and I moved to the Middle East. Jobie stayed with my niece and her two cats for 6 months before I brought him here. Jobie kept to himself and didn’t interact with them much. My mom came to visit us after 6 months. One month later we adopted a cat from the kennel where Jobie stayed for a week. The staff introduced the two cats. Though they really didn’t like eachother they tolerated eachother. The new cat, Roo, was 2 yrs at the time, and Jobie was 10. Roo doesn’t like to be picked up, and she’s not a lap cat. She used to bite a lot, but rarely now. The two cats got along ok, they ate together, but never really played together. After four months my mom left, and then hell started about a month later. If they are in the same room they fight like there’s no tomorrow – Jobie got an infection from Roo from a bite or scratch. It’s been almost two years now, and they still can’t be in the same room together – sometimes one of them will attack at the door that the other one is behind. About 8 months ago they stayed together in the kennel for a week with no fighting, but as soon as they got home, they started again. When I let Roo out to roam the house I have to watch her because she will pee on the sofa (Jobie nor I ever sit there or even walk over in that area, he only sits in my easy chair). I’m at my wits end. Both have been fixed and both have a clean bill of health. Help!

    • I’ve been watching episodes of My Cat from Hell. Do you think Roo pees on that one sofa BECAUSE no one goes there? Like she’s saying, this sofa is MINE. Jobie had full run if the whole house for almost a year before she came, so he’s the king. Is she trying to establish her small area of territory? Also, today, the curtain hanger guys accidentally let Jobie out while Roo was out. Immediately she went into defense mode and her meows were that of distress. I was able to diffuse the situation by putting the laundry basket between them, got her far enough away so that I could put him back in the bathroom. Whenever the fights happen it’s Roo that starts them. Sigh.

  19. Hi Mikel! I have a cat Missi for 9 years, since we found her on a street as a little kitten. She calm and nice cat, but not a lap cat and she never was. Last year we adopted Tulip a cat almost her age. They tolerated each other, Tulip never bothered her, always gave her a space. Sadly, we just lost Tulip a two month ago, she had a lymphoma. Me and my husband were crying every day, so we decide to get another kitty. Last month we adopted Ollie, a little cute kitty, they were saying she is two years old, but it’s hard to believe, I would say, she is around 9-10 month, very small (half Missi’s size), very playful and hunting everything that moves, including Missi. And Missi is not happy about it. Now, it’s a war. A little one attacking Missi each time she seeing her, so our cat after 9 years very uncomfortable, she staying in one room and never leave, if Ollie around. We tried everything, a calming things, water spray bottle, nothing worked so far. And we kept them separately in the beginning introducing to each other slowly. Ollie also doesn’t like to be touched, no petting or picking up, she is biting and scratching. And her foster mom told us totally different, that Ollie is very social, very gentle, never scratched and she is very good with the other cats. Nothing in a description match. So, now we don’t know what to do, we love her and we want to keep her, I’m not happy with a bites and scratching, but I can live with it. The most important to us, that we want Missi to be happy and comfortable and I don’t know how to stop Ollie attacking her. Now, as soon as she attack, I lock her in a bedroom, not sure if this going to work. So, we need help. Thank you

  20. Hi Mikel, I’m having a problem with my 18 year old tortie, Callie. When I first got her 10 years ago she was very friendly towards other cats and was never aggressive, even if another cat hissed, growled, or swatted at her she’d just walk away. When I still lived with my parents my mom’s cat would attack her constantly and she put up with it for years but eventually she started to fight back, and my mom’s cat usually left her alone after that.

    I moved into a new place a few years ago and it seemed like she was lonely, she’d still spend time with me but she’d wander around the house crying, she never did that before and I had been told that could be a sign of depression. Since she was always friendly with other cats I ended up adopting another one from the local animal control shelter and she had no problem with the new arrival, but after the new cat got used to the place and stopped being scared she decide she just did not like Callie and was very aggressive any time they were in the same room (hissing, yowling, ears laid back, etc.), and if Callie would try to walk past she would get attacked. This went on for a few months and I tried several different things, like re-introducing them through a door, feeding them near eachother, and alternating having one of them in a spare bedroom while the other had the run of the house but nothing helped. I didn’t want to rehome my new cat but I didn’t really have another option, so she now lives with my parents after their other cat died.

    Callie will now hiss and growl at any other cat that comes near her, I can’t really blame her because of what happened but what can I do to get her back to being the friendly cat she used to be? I volunteer at an animal rescue and am currently fostering one of our “problem children” and have adopted another, both of which she wants nothing to do with even if all they want to do is play. I really would like for them to get along but I’m not sure what to try at this point.

  21. Thank you so much Mikel for answering the question about my two cats and trying to introduce them. I have recently found out that Blade has brain cancer, so it’s been a difficult time. But thank you for the information!!

    • Ange, I am so sorry to hear about Blade! I know you must be heartbroken, but just make sure that Blade knows how much you love him. Best of luck to you!

    • Ange,
      I’m so sorry to hear about Blade. I lost one of my senior cats recently to lymphoma. Cancer is just devastating. I hope you get some quality time with your dear kitty!

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