How to pill a cat, take two


Last month, I published a post on how to pill a cat, filled with tips and tricks to help even reluctant felines take their medications.

This week, I’m offering a humorous take on the subject. You’ve probably seen it before, but it makes me laugh every time I come across it, so I thought I’d share it with you. There are several versions of this floating around on the internet. This version is generally attributed to Peggy Althoff.

  1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, “Thats a nice kitty.” Drop pill into its mouth.
  2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
  3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat’s front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
  4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)
  5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat’s mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in – quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won’t be able to see what you’re doing. That’s just as well.
  6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
  7. If you’re a woman, have a good cry. If you’re a man, have a good cry.
  8. Now pull yourself together. Who’s the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, “Who’s the boss here, anyway?” Open cat’s mouth, take pill and…Oooops!
  9. This isn’t working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
  10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.
  11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
  12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
  13. Flatten cat’s front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)
  14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man-or woman.
  15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat’s head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
  16. Drop pill into cat’s mouth and poke gently. Voila! It’s done.
  17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat’s).
  18. Apply bandages to wounds (yours).
  19. Take two aspirins and lie down.

Photo: istockphoto

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find a reference anywhere as to who Peggy Althoff is. Please contact me if reposting this violates a copyright I’m not aware of.

16 Comments on How to pill a cat, take two

  1. Savannah NanaMo
    May 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm (9 years ago)

    OMC! You have it all down exactly purrfect!

  2. Sally Knight
    May 3, 2012 at 7:30 pm (9 years ago)

    Oh thank heaven for Greenies Pill Pockets!

  3. Anna
    May 3, 2012 at 3:54 pm (9 years ago)

    Hahaha so funny and… so true for many cat parents! LOL!

  4. Catlover
    May 3, 2012 at 12:26 pm (9 years ago)

    Actually, I crush the pills. mix with distilled water and squirt the mixture into the cats mouth. Works (almost) every time! LOL

    • Ingrid
      May 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm (9 years ago)

      Some cats do better with liquids – sounds like yours is one of them!

  5. maru
    May 3, 2012 at 10:17 am (9 years ago)

    So good and so true… 😉

  6. Nerissa's Life
    May 3, 2012 at 10:04 am (9 years ago)

    My sister Constance doesn’t do pills. Not ever!

  7. Deborah Julian Cat Art
    May 3, 2012 at 8:10 am (9 years ago)

    I have seen this before but enjoyed it again!

    • Ingrid
      May 3, 2012 at 6:28 pm (9 years ago)

      It makes me laugh every time I read it, Debbie.

  8. Max the Quilt Cat
    May 3, 2012 at 7:08 am (9 years ago)

    That’s a great one and not too far off the mark…

    Thanks for a good laugh..

    pawhugs, Max

    • Ingrid
      May 3, 2012 at 6:28 pm (9 years ago)

      I’m glad you enjoyed it, Max.

  9. Cynthia
    May 3, 2012 at 7:03 am (9 years ago)

    You make it sound so easy. Actually mine swallow it as soon as it is in their mouth. The dog is a problem because I have to push it over the back of her tongue and she has a big mouth, but she is very sweet.

    • Ingrid
      May 3, 2012 at 6:28 pm (9 years ago)

      That’s so funny that the dog is a problem for you, Cynthia – usually, dogs are the easy ones!

  10. Anne from
    May 3, 2012 at 1:55 am (9 years ago)

    An oldie but definitely a classic. I am generally a good cat piller, except for when it comes to our cat Mishmish. Last time we tried to pill her, we literally ran out of the room in the end, she was so furious lol

    • Ingrid
      May 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm (9 years ago)

      Oh dear, I hope Mishmish forgave you, Anne!


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