Allegra’s World: Life Without Ruby

Allegra-blankets

Hi everyone, it’s Allegra! I want to thank you for all the love and support you’ve shown to Mom and me since Ruby passed away. It’s hard to believe she’s been gone for more than a month. Some days it seems like she was just here yesterday. I think Mom still sometimes hopes she’s going to wake up one day and find that these last four months were just a bad dream.

I miss my little sister. It’s been really strange without her. Mom and I are both trying to find our way in this new normal, and some days, it’s harder than others.

I’ve been busy comforting Mom. I’m not like Ruby, who, if she had had her way, would have been in Mom’s lap pretty much all day long. And she slept curled up in Mom’s arms all night long. Mom always called Ruby her “velcro kitten.” I’m not a lap cat. I do sit in Mom’s lap for a few minutes here and there, and I’m working on staying longer, but it’s not in my nature. I know Mom misses cuddling with Ruby. I also know that she understands that I show my affection in different ways. She doesn’t want me to be someone I’m not. She knows that just because I don’t like to cuddle doesn’t mean I don’t love her.

The hardest part has been when Mom cries. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, or how fast asleep I am, when I hear her crying, I come running. I rub against her, or sit down next to her, and I do my best to show her how much I love her. And it’s always such a good feeling when she finally stops crying, and gives me a kiss. I may not like hugs, but I do love it when Mom kisses me.

tortoiseshell-cat-allegra

I’m getting used to being an only cat again. Those of you who have followed us for a while may remember that I was an only cat for almost a year after Amber died and before Ruby joined our family. I was still a kitten then, and I never really got to know Amber. We were only together for six weeks before she got so sick. Mom and I were still getting used to each other then, and it was a hard time for both of us. I wasn’t mature enough to really understand why Mom was so sad. I was just a silly kitten who wanted to play all the time, and I couldn’t understand why Mom didn’t have the energy to keep up with me. As a result, I got myself in trouble quite a bit.

Now that I’m older and hopefully wiser, I’m good with being on my own. I get Mom all to myself, which is so different, but also kind of nice. I’m trying to do a good job being there for Mom during this hard time, and I’m also doing my best to make her smile.

I just hope that in time, Mom will stop being so sad. After all, Ruby isn’t really gone. Her spirit is still very much with us. I feel her around us all the time, but I don’t think Mom can feel her just yet, because her grief is still so raw.

I know in time, Mom won’t hurt quite so much, and we’ll both get used to it being just the two of us. And through it all, I’ll be here, right by her side, holding the space for her.

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46 Comments on Allegra’s World: Life Without Ruby

  1. caren
    February 1, 2020 at 3:35 pm (4 months ago)

    Allegra, you are a sweet and extremely understanding kitty. We feel so bad for your Mama (and you)…actually, you have had to deal with 2 kitties leaving and that is extremely hard. When you were a kitten and Amber left, you didn’t understand…and…now that you are a grown kitty, Ruby left. That’s A LOT for one kitty to have to deal with. You are a strong girl Allegra. It’s ok not to want to cuddle all of the time, you just have a different nature and you experienced different things than Ruby did. Cody and I send your Mom lots of love and hugs of comfort and we are sending tons and tons of kisses to YOU for being such an understanding kitty.

    Reply
    • Ingrid
      February 2, 2020 at 5:55 am (4 months ago)

      Thank you, Caren. xoxo

      Reply
  2. Ingrid
    January 24, 2020 at 1:04 pm (4 months ago)

    Thank you to all of you for your heartfelt words of love and support. They are so very much appreciated as Allegra and I try to adjust to our new normal.

    Reply
  3. Jackie Pasquini
    January 24, 2020 at 12:05 pm (4 months ago)

    Hi Allegra…you are such a sweet little girl and I know you help Mommy a lot and I know how hard it is without your sisfur Ruby….but she really is there with you and watching over you and Mommy Ingrid. You and Mommy know all about my Pumpkin who has been sick for some time with different issues but thanks to the Assisi loop she had a much longer and a real quality of of life. Last Sunday, January 19th with me and her furblings all around her started her journey to the Rainbow Bridge, I petted and kissed her all day until she made the decision to go….Just like Mommy Ingrid I am crying and missing her every day but I can feel her presence…just like you feel Ruby’s. Allegra, Keep taking care of your Mommy and I know that Ruby will be smiling down on you both…Me and my Furkids are sending more love and prayers…xoxox

    Reply
    • Ingrid
      January 24, 2020 at 1:03 pm (4 months ago)

      Oh Jackie, I’m so sorry about Pumpkin! Love and hugs to you – xoxo.

      Reply
      • Jackie Pasquini
        January 24, 2020 at 6:02 pm (4 months ago)

        Thank you Ingrid…..I want to say also that if it wasn’t for you and the Assisi Loop Pumpkin and I wouldn’t have had as much quality time as we did and I am so grateful for that time. xoxox

        Reply
  4. Linda Teto
    January 23, 2020 at 4:09 pm (4 months ago)

    I am crying reading this because I know this pain all too well as so many of us do, and I’m feeling yours and Allegra’s now and sending so much love to heal your hearts.

    These special souls never leave our hearts no matter how many years pass, they just become a part of who we are and always will be. But when you’re in this stage of grieving that doesn’t mean a lot.

    My greatest wish is that someday we will be with them again, some way, some how.
    I hope that’s true, but for now we carry them in our hearts until we hopefully meet again. Cry ALL of your tears, (but of course, how could you not?) those small moments of relief after a good hard cry give us some relief, a chance to breathe, until the next crying jag comes on and thus begins the slow arduous healing process.

    “There is nothing like the power of a quiet constant love.
    If we are very lucky,
    we will have spent some of our life being owned by a cat.”
    ❤️

    I am so sorry for your and Allegra’s loss.
    May God Bless you, Allegra and sweet Ruby.

    Reply
  5. Lynda
    January 23, 2020 at 10:11 am (4 months ago)

    Thank you for sharing Allegra. We know how hard it is on your mum and all you are doing is so good for her, but it is hard on you as well. As you and Ingrid navigate this new black hole, please know that in the silence, wishes of love and peace are making their way to you both.

    Reply
  6. Nora Herndon
    January 23, 2020 at 4:59 am (4 months ago)

    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that the loving memories of Ruby will help you. We lose them too soon, but we never forget. They leave a hole in our hearts that just can’t be filed.

    Reply
  7. Brian
    January 22, 2020 at 8:14 pm (4 months ago)

    Oh sweetie, we know how tough that new normal is and how is seems so abnormal. We understand and send you both all our love and hugs.

    Reply
  8. Nancy
    January 22, 2020 at 8:03 pm (4 months ago)

    Thank you for sharing your warm and beautiful feelings, Allegra, and for taking such good care of your mom, especially right now. Sending lots of love, hugs and healing thoughts to both of you in this very difficult time. Nancy

    Reply
  9. Catherine J Stout
    January 22, 2020 at 7:40 pm (4 months ago)

    Ingrid, you touch all of our hearts..We are sad for you and Allegra, knowing what you are going thru..It is the unfortunate side of owning animals, knowing that eventually they will pass on, and there will be a terrible heartache..While they are here, they give us incomparable love and companionship..It’s a hard price to pay but they are so worth it…

    Reply
  10. Sue Brandes
    January 22, 2020 at 5:28 pm (4 months ago)

    Sending hugs.

    Reply
  11. Sharon
    January 22, 2020 at 2:44 pm (4 months ago)

    This broke my <3 and brought back memories of the time I had to put my beloved "Baby" to sleep almost seven years ago. I remember crying all the time. We did finally adopt a new kitten six months later, and even though Baby will always be in my heart and in my mind, Ami has been such a joy and is the new "furry love of my life". He's quite the character and loves to cuddle. I know time will heal your hearts but it's so hard waiting to get to that point, but I believe you will.

    Reply
  12. Sheryl Signore
    January 22, 2020 at 2:05 pm (4 months ago)

    I’m sorry for you loss,
    We have lost several cats and the best thing for us is to mourn a bit and then we were lucky enough to find 2 kittens who are so wonderful and we’ve had for 8 years! Our 3rd addition is not a lap cat… yet — but we are working on it. I just love to cuddle with all of them, differently but they do so much for us. Take care let yourself grieve and enjoy Allegra…. she’s a good sister.

    Reply
  13. Jody
    January 22, 2020 at 1:25 pm (4 months ago)

    Been through it with cats and dogs. Silence – even though there are animals and people in the house, the one that is gone from Earth leaves silence. But comes a day when sadness is replaced by a sweet memory which brings a smile. You’ve got lots of support, love, and prayers. Joy comes in the morning.

    Reply
  14. Will Hodges
    January 22, 2020 at 1:00 pm (4 months ago)

    Allegra . . . please let your mom know that she is so very loved. And when she cries, please give her an extra purr from me.

    Reply
    • Patti C Rubin
      January 22, 2020 at 1:50 pm (4 months ago)

      Tears are streaming down my face as I read this. It is so beautifully written, and so tenderly presented through Allegra’s voice.

      My Zhivago is dying. I also opted for palliative care at home. He is 11. Petite Zelda is 2, and although she is confused, her semi-feral nature is softening, as she realizes that she is part of a family now, never having one prior.

      Ingrid, your site was the first that I subscribed to years ago. It has been a source of new knowledge, feline insights, laughter, joy and now tears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for sharing so much of your life with your readers and supporters

      Reply
  15. Steph
    January 22, 2020 at 12:55 pm (4 months ago)

    I am sending love and healing energy to Ingrid and Allegra.
    May you feel the love and support from all of us who understand.

    Reply
  16. Kara Minnema
    January 22, 2020 at 12:36 pm (4 months ago)

    Oh, Allegra, what a beutiful post. I’m glad mom let you tell your side of the story today. I bet mom lets you know how much she appreciates every thing you do to show her your love as you both go through this difficult time. Keep it up sweet Allegra.

    Reply
  17. Tracy Steen
    January 22, 2020 at 11:57 am (4 months ago)

    Oh little Allegra. I’m so sorry you lost your sister and your poor Mom is so upset. I’m sending you both love and prayers today.

    Reply
  18. Michele
    January 22, 2020 at 11:22 am (4 months ago)

    Thank you for sharing how you both are doing❤️❤️
    Beautiful and loving post.

    Reply
  19. De.
    January 22, 2020 at 10:49 am (4 months ago)

    Ingrid: I truly feel your pain. It’s so difficult.

    Reply
    • Steph
      January 22, 2020 at 11:31 am (4 months ago)

      Allegra~ thank you for helping your Mom all your special ways. Ingrid, thank you for helping Allegra tell us what you both feel. That couldn’t have been easy to write. My heart goes out to you both with love & prayers

      Reply
  20. Melissa & Mudpie
    January 22, 2020 at 10:42 am (4 months ago)

    Your mom couldn’t ask for anyone better to take of her than you, sweet girl. I’m so very sorry you’ve both had to go through this heartbreak, but so thankful you have each other.

    Reply
  21. Sally Williams
    January 22, 2020 at 10:10 am (4 months ago)

    Ingrid and Allegra,
    As you know all too well everyone’s grief is different, but there is so much love in what you have written and that love is what carries you, surrounds you and eventually heals you.
    For all of us who love and share our lives with these beautiful creatures this is the part we fear the most and yet we continue to open our hearts and homes. It must be because of the magic they bring into our worlds, the joy we feel everyday as they effortlessly make our lives richer and of course the unconditional love.
    Hold onto her magic. It’s always with you

    Reply
  22. Elaine Harrington
    January 22, 2020 at 9:30 am (4 months ago)

    My heart goes out to you. Maybe its time to save someone else and let the joy return to your house. It may help you heal.

    Reply
  23. Fran Vogel
    January 22, 2020 at 8:57 am (4 months ago)

    Ingrid, you are not alone in this. My dear Seymour passed just two months ago and he was just a HUGE presence. Without him, despite my other two who talk and interact and cuddle, it is just SILENT in my house.
    I completely understand adjusting to a new normal where it is anything but normal.
    As you know time heals yet it takes time to get to that place.
    Sincerely,
    Fran Vogel

    Reply
  24. Gail
    January 22, 2020 at 8:35 am (4 months ago)

    You’re perfect cat in your new role of companion and crying caregiver. Hard on you both so I’m sending you love

    Reply
  25. Janine
    January 22, 2020 at 8:33 am (4 months ago)

    You are a wonderful girl, Allegra. I know your mom appreciates all you are doing to comfort her. In time you will both be able to remember Ruby without the tears. Sometimes you might even laugh at certain memories. It just all takes time. Sending you both peace, purrs and comfort.

    Reply
  26. Kat
    January 22, 2020 at 8:33 am (4 months ago)

    hi Allegra, reading your words this morning, I’m still tearing up, like someone said, we cat lovers have a close bond and feel for each others troubles. Just know that you and your mom are always in our prayers, Ruby is always close by in spirit, and we’ll all be together one day. Meantime, take care of each other, just be there when she cries, as she will be for you. Together y’all will make each day a little better and hurt a little less, time is a healer but very slow. Play in the sunshine, hold your memories of Ruby close to your hearts, cry when you need to, and just keep loving each other. It will get better…..love always

    Reply
  27. Nancy Faulkner
    January 22, 2020 at 8:15 am (4 months ago)

    Allerga,

    You are Mom’s sidekick & strength. Without you, Mom would be overwhelmed with grief.

    Keep yourself & Mom healthy & at peace. Maybe, Mom might consider adding to the family.

    Until then, Allerga, you have a big job ahead of you. Take care of each other.

    Grayson, Milo, Hamish & Nancy

    Reply
  28. Khadijah H
    January 22, 2020 at 6:23 am (4 months ago)

    Hey, Allegra. Thanks for trying so hard to help your mom, Ingrid out in this time of grief. I know it’s difficult on both of you. Perhaps, Ingrid will add someone new once she has had a chance to get over the loss of Ruby, so you’ll have a playmate again. Good job on becoming more of a lap cat, but, if the new cat wants lap time, don’t get jealous of new kitty. Ingrid won’t love you less, and you can both share her lap. Tiger and Blacky do that with me.

    Reply
  29. Jane Todaro
    January 22, 2020 at 5:59 am (4 months ago)

    Ingrid,
    A beautiful post. There’s beauty in the hideously painful scars. They show how deeply you loved.
    Jane

    Reply
  30. Mary
    January 22, 2020 at 5:44 am (4 months ago)

    I am new here. I had to lay my fur baby to rest one week ago today. He was my baby boy and my best friend. Mr. Boogs and I loved each other for 12 short years. He was very sick with
    lymphoma and was hurting. I was bound by my love to provide the last loving gift I could give…which was relief from his pain, and his ticket to the Rainbow Bridge. I cried so hard and still cry, but I cry out of my lon loneliness.
    I miss him so very much. He was handsome and so smart. He was a cuddlebug. He would lie on my chest and put his paw around my neck and hug me like that for hours. He didn’t take up a lot of room but filled my heart and home to capacity. I’ve had cats and dogs all of my life but Mr. Boogs and I had a special connection. I would put a picture here but I don’t know how. He was a very handsome tuxedo boy with a black dot on each nostril of his nose, hence his name.Thank you for listening to my story. MaryBoogs mom!

    Reply
  31. Joyce
    January 22, 2020 at 4:21 am (4 months ago)

    Ahhh Allegra …

    MY mom has spoken highly of you, your sister Ruby and your mom, Ingrid, for many years. When my brother Casey Jones died … I didn’t know what to do. He got sick, then sicker and then he wasn’t around anymore to lay with me. Play with me. Touch my paws when we slept, to share his treats with me, to clean me and love me.. I cry loudly sometimes. I thought if he heard me he might just come back, but Mommy tried to explain about that. (I’ve heard her saying kinda the same thing sometimes)

    But just like your mom, my mom cries alot, too. I know she loves me, too, like your mom does. I don’t cuddle exactly the way Casey did either, so I understand how you feel.
    You have to be your own cat, and show your love your way. But that’s how our smart moms raised us. To be strong and independent. I’m a kisser, not too much of a cuddler. I reach out for Mom when she passes by and she lets me pull her in for a total “exfoliation session” is what she calls it. I purr just as loud as Casey, too.
    But Casey was with mom a few years before I came along and he helped mom get through some pretty rough times. He crawled on top of her and licked her tears when she was having pain and couldn’t smile. He let her hold him like a two year old human baby, and they would slow dance in the middle of the night when Casey or Mommy needed soothing … though I never understood that one, but to each his own, right?

    Allegra, I want to tell you a secret…
    When mommy came home with just Casey’s blanket and a little box … she put the box on her night table and rolled his blanket tight, then she pressed it against her chest and cried herself to sleep. (she does that often still) But I didn’t know what to do to help her yet I wanted to stay close by. I could smell my brother’s scent on that blanket just like when he used to sleep on it.
    So, you know that little box I mentioned? I climbed up on the bed and stepped onto the night table so I could be close to my mom, and I guess close to Casey, too…. and I used that little box as my pillow. When mommy woke up she saw me right away. She scratched my back and I gave her tons of sandpaper kisses and purrs. She still cried hard but i knew I was helping her. She was helping me, too.

    Now I sleep on it all the time. I know mom wonders of she shouldn’t let me do that, so the one day when she took it away I cried till she brought it back. I also sleep on Casey’s blanket. Mommy keeps it on the bed. Do you get to lay in Ruby’s special places?
    Just like your mom, mine still cries and I know that even when she smiles she’s still sad in her heart.
    She cried when she told me the awfully sad news about your sister Ruby, too. I didn’t know how to comfort her or your mom, so mom sat down to write her a note to tell her how she felt and what Ruby meant to us.

    But I wanted to have my own little paw to paw chat with you just myself, to let you know that we’ve prayed that Ruby and Casey met at the end of that Rainbow Bridge so he could say thank you to Ruby (and he thanks you, too) for always being there for our mommy. He probably told her how grateful our mom is to your mom for all the advice over the years and also for her deepest kindness when he had to leave us. Mom prayed & asked Casey to help Ruby acclimate, but Mommy said Ruby could master that anyway in no time. And I kinda think so too. But it’s comforting to think of them finally meeting, and how many others who were there for Ruby, as well.

    I know you’re sad Allegra, and I know you want to make your mommy stop being sad though I can’t say when or if it will ever stop hurting. But I do know that in time the memories of all the wonderful, sweet times will be stronger than the sad ones.

    In the meantime, you aren’t alone. You’re special and sweet and appreciated and loved. And so is your mom! You have each other.

    Sometimes mommy catches me staring off in the near distance and I guess it looks like I’m running wild and meowing, chasing nothing in particular … But maybe you and I know what we’re doing, don’t we?
    It’ll be our purrfect secret, ok?

    Hugs & Purrs

    We will not forget Ruby because of the love she left for everyone to share. And I will never forget how you all helped Mommy and Casey through some really hard times.
    I think that’s so important. Leaving her pawprints on the hearts of many … so many we could never count. But at least you for sure know about two of them!

    Give your mom our love … mine and my mommy’s, too.

    Reply
    • Joyce
      January 22, 2020 at 4:25 am (4 months ago)

      I’m sorry Allegra … I forgot to mention, my name is Maggie May. I’m Casey’s sister….

      Reply
  32. Summer
    January 22, 2020 at 3:28 am (4 months ago)

    It takes humans a long time to heal from grief. You just have to be patient with them, as I know you are, Allegra.

    Reply
  33. Eleanor Skibo
    January 22, 2020 at 2:46 am (4 months ago)

    Allegra, my darling, you’re so brave and so special in every way. I can only think that I know what you and your mom are still feeling after the loss of Ruby, but I don’t actually know. Just try to dream of all the sweet memories of happier times when all three of you were laughing and playing,
    maybe those thoughts will help. I painted some pictures of Ruby and your mom and a special angel that I sent to both of you online, however, your mom wouldn’t accept them!

    Reply
    • Ingrid
      January 22, 2020 at 2:47 pm (4 months ago)

      Eleanor, please check your email.

      Reply
    • Ingrid
      January 26, 2020 at 6:08 am (4 months ago)

      Eleanor, I sent you an email on Wednesday and I hope you received it. I never got the painting you sent me online, so please resend! Please know that I would never not accept something from you. I love all the beautiful comments you leave on this site!

      Reply
  34. Angela Gosselin
    January 22, 2020 at 2:13 am (4 months ago)

    Allegra & Ingrid, You have me in tears again with your beautiful words. Hugs and chin scratches to you. <3

    Reply
  35. Margaret
    January 22, 2020 at 1:57 am (4 months ago)

    Oh Allegra – what beautiful words. Sitting here at my computer at work with tears streaming down my face. Everybody who has ever lost a cat will completely understand how you and your Mom are feeling. It takes a long time to get over losing a part of your family, whether they are human or fur. Wishing you and your Mom peace and sending love xx

    Reply
  36. Marilyn
    January 22, 2020 at 1:31 am (4 months ago)

    Ingrid,
    Written beautifully.

    Reply
  37. Lynette Eggleston
    January 22, 2020 at 1:23 am (4 months ago)

    It is so hard ❤️❤️❤️

    Reply

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